Cancer: Improvement in Personal Habits?

 Cancer is a pain in the ass, while this can be the understatement of the week or a lifetime it really is. the Medicine, Doctors plus all the ancillary bullshit. You learn to deal with so many different things that you just would not expect to ever happen to you, I am only 45 not 90. So when I wake up creaking and grunting it is like someone else is in the room, an old version of Scott. Today I had somewhere to be at 8:30 am so of course, my alarm was set for 7, 7:20 & 7:45 none of these even stirred me. So when at 9:00 I get up jump in the shower and race within reason to my destination, it occurs to me that since this started my terrible habit of being the last minute arrival has changed. It is not at all common for me to get anywhere on time now I am always early. How did this happen, then more self reflection since. Cancer I am neater, better at follow through and almost a responsible guy. Now B.C. it wasn't like my habits were awful, but I was that guy late for meetings by three minutes, without getting into the ugly details lets just say there was a positive shift in my personal habits.

             I noticed this prior to today, here is why this is happening to me right now. When you here the news that you have a life threatening illness that most people do not survive three years with, most people I spoke to say they went through a bucket or two of personal reflection. It's gotta to be different for everyone, we all have such diverse experiences that it can only be such. What would you do? What would you ask yourself? Will you be scared or blame someone anyone including yourself. The answer is yes and no, with the grace of god you will not have to ask yourself these hard questions.
   
        Now I have stated that Cancer is a pain in the ass, but wait in some ways it has made me a better man. I am patient, a better listener, more giving of myself  and most of all a positive thinker. My appreciation and patience for other peoples quirks has gotten to the point where truly no blame exists in my heart. All this comes from letting go of the nonsense. What I can suggest to you is that when you get super pissed at some situation that is out of your control, take a minute to reflect about what is really happening. You got cut off at a light, some asshole didn't signal so you are ready to throw rocks at their car. Some one cut the line at the movie theater, getting their popcorn like a full two minutes before you. Now of course there is plenty that will still piss me or any sane human off, it is just simpler to let it go. Why waste the time in your day to spend one second reflecting on those who are simply less enlightened. Burdened down by the minutia in life is no way to live, find something you love and do it. Enjoy the the simplest things around you, the free stuff like a great conversation with someone you barely know. What ever it may be just let go of the trivial, embrace the light side of the moment while never letting yourself succumb to the petty bullshit that can come out of no where and ruin a perfectly great day.

  I am not perfect nor do I have any insight to how this works for everyone, for me right here and right now, my new found insight to letting go of the unneeded emotion of contempt or anger at some trivial bullshit is working great.

This blog thing requires that my commitment to it stay constant, I will be adding links to sites that you may find interesting. I have enabled comments so if you choose to leave any and can't email me right away at scottvslivercancer@gmail.com . Or email me just to say hello

Scott VS Liver Cancer
Scott

One of the things that people tell me when they find out I have Cancer is that I do not look sick. I am so lucky to be in this position, so far into this not visibly ill. You see the cancer patient who is ravaged by Chemo, the disease with all it brings along. Often a patient is so filled with Chemo & other meds that the needed treatments cause so many shit side effects their general condition is rough. Appearance is often the first to go, losing hair weight and muscle tone. This is a result of what is called systematic therapy, IV Chemotherapy, Radiation and who knows what else. Dr #1 started me on Carpolplatin mixed with some other nasty stuff in bag, he was not very optimistic about my future. It was an instant road to feeling very bad.

When a person finds out they have Cancer it’s not like you can ever forget when you heard it first. Some people get the news from the family Doc. Some believe it or not hear it from a receptionist reading back results. Yet others must hear like a movie where the Dr. calls you in with the family and everyone sits on the edge of the chair, while Doc say we will do everything we can the team is in place fear not!

My experience was quite different almost humorous for sure surreal, it was week two of my extended hospital stay with a bacterial infection from kidney stones that have been plaguing me for months prior. A sharp attending physician ordered a biopsy of a troublesome spot on my Liver, when I asked him what he thought it was prior to the biopsy he said no idea. This lead to the slippery slope of Ok what is the worst case, he says Cancer but there are hundreds of things between a spot and Cancer. So I get the biopsy from a German Dr. with square glasses playing classic rock (fool in the rain played) while he took a really long tool that captured a piece of the spot. You’re awake for that deal, ultrasound and a big claw like needle thing the classic rock, German Doc low lighting strange but painless.

The time when you know things are wrong is when tests take too long to come back.* The Dr said that biopsy results take two days, mine took six. So now on my third week in the hospital around six o’clock is when we get the news. The details are just as surreal as the rest of this ride, that story is for another day. What is important to this is how after four and a half years with Stage 4 Liver Cancer how I still look decent and function daily. It is due to the treatments I receive, a resection, Sirs Microspheres or Y90, Chemoembolization and mostly Oral Chemo as opposed to a systematic regiment of Chemo and or radiation. My luck is strange, on the one side I have Liver Cancer the other is I function very well for a long term Cancer patient.

So in this part of Scott Vs Liver Cancer, Scott’s winning on several fronts: Outlived the original Diagnosis, still on my feet with more hair than ever. I have the energy to do life.

Scott Vs Liver Cancer

5/11/12

Thanks so much

Scott

So Why Now?

The opening shot

So Why Now?

        It has been over four years since the Dr. informed me that indeed the spot on my Liver was Cancer, not some innocuous fatty tissue or bruise but Stage 4 Metastatic Adenocarcinoma. Of course now my experiences have taught me what that really means while at the time I had no idea, really not a clue. I thought there were ten stages so 4 was under the 50% mark, people beat cancer all the time it would be dealt with that's that. Over four years later it's time to share what my experiences, my hope is that others can gain insight. My friends can see what state of mind, health and body that I am in. So many people just have a hard time communicating with that eight hundred pound gorilla sitting in the room. Therapeutically my explanation to what it is like to live under what can feel like impending doom. (I smiled big when I wrote that).

  This is the rub only 5% of all Liver Cancer patients make it past 5 years, the way I feel now is that 5 years is going to come and go with me still here. The multiple treatments, surgeries & medications have all done their job, not perfectly but enough to extend my life, allowing the Dr’s to treat my condition like a chronic disease rather than a fatal one. I have learned how deadly Cancer is, seeing others succumb within months. This is just reality, this is very important for any sick person to know the reality of the situation they face. When you learn what is possible you can mentally prepare for what’s coming.

  

  Right after I was diagnosed Patrick Swayze announced that he had Pancreatic Cancer, my ignorance at the time led to some dark thoughts about his reality. My initial emotional response was frustrating, here was a guy who not only had unlimited resources but great Dr's will seek him out to try saving him, I would be seeking out Dr's who would just get me a Pet Scan (my first Dr told me it was unnecessary treatment). So pissed off at Patrick Swayze for him getting Cancer Care that I couldn't yet not even understanding how deadly his disease was. When he died I wept like a baby, if he could not beat it how can I?

Four years and several months later, my luck is holding. I feel good more days than not, my spirit is strong while whatever treatment is presented will be pursued. My family is close by, too much distance between myself and many people that are dear to me, this has to change. This Blog is going to help with that, Patrick may be keeping baby out of corners, while making sure Demi is getting through her crisis but I owe him. His terrible tragedy taught me that it is not the money or the access to Dr’s, it is a mix of luck chasing down the right care while staying positive that you will keep pushing every day.

  Thanks for reading this I hope that you get something good from this one day, I will try to keep it interesting so stick with me.

Scott VS Liver Cancer